I Think Work/Life-Balance is Overrated.
“Don’t overwork yourself!” “Don’t forget to spend time with your family!” “Don’t sacrifice your health over your work!”
We all know that achieving Work-Life Balance is tough.
But there is an even more difficult juggling act that affects both our mental and emotional health at the workplace and at home that many don’t talk about.
It’s about Balancing Life/Work Pressure… please allow me to elaborate.
Work/Life Balance refers to the amount of time and/or mindspace we allocate between our work and home life.
But Life/Work Pressure refers to the stresses we face in both our dual roles we undertake as an Employee AND as a Private Individual, and how the line separating these 2 realms are permeable, allowing the free-flow of stresses in either direction, affecting both dimensions simultaneously.
For instance, we face a lot of pressure at work and whether we like it or not, we inevitably bring some negativity back home.
We become impatient with the kids, grumpy at our spouses, or we just lack the energy for courteous conversation with anybody.
And on the flipside, we subconsciously bring home-stresses to the workplace as well.
When you’ve stayed up all night looking after your feverish child, or when your in-laws decided to criticize your poor child-rearing decisions, or if your relationships at home aren’t going as well as they used to.
Subconsciously or otherwise, these feelings spill over into your workplace if you are unable to manage them, affecting how you perform or even react to your colleagues or clients resulting in poor outcomes at work.
And Yet, nobody talks about managing these Life-Work Pressures, even though it could be detrimental to BOTH your Home and Work Life!
And that’s why we need to recognise the phenomenon, address the issues and come up with some solutions. Here are some ideas you can try:
1. Compartmentalisation
This is probably the most obvious yet most difficult thing to do.
Being able to mentally separate the workplace from the home and vice versa is a skill and takes conscious effort to perform.
One suggested method is after a long and stressful day at work, upon driving home or reaching your doorstep, pause for 60 seconds and take some deep breaths.
Shedding your ‘Office Energies’ and mentally bracing yourself for the home environment allows for some separation of work and home.
Likewise, before heading into the office after an exhausting night of tending to your children, a brisk walk around the building or a simply enjoying hot cup of coffee before settling into your chair could give you the mental space needed to leave your home pressures, well, at home.
2. Communicating
Sometimes, letting our loved ones know that the day/week/period was rough and asking them to back-off and be more understanding towards your situation is all it takes to smooth things out.
They might even give you some space to ventilate your frustration too.
However, this situation can get tricky at the workplace as we could be unprofessional to expect your bosses/colleagues to work around your moods.
Perhaps making some casual mention about ‘taking care of a sick relative’ or sharing that the ‘in-laws are in town for a visit’ to your boss might elicit some compassionate relief from them or from your more understanding co-workers.
It is always good to communicate as it is the grease that allows the team-machinery to run more smoothly.
3. Coping Mechanisms
Developing positive coping mechanisms can definitely help you reduce Life/Work Pressure.
Exercising, watching your favourite sitcom, eating a scoop of premium ice-cream can lighten your stresses.
Find your own ‘secret recipe for decompression’ and make it work for you.
But how can we better support those we care for or work with?
1. If you are the Spouse/Partner/Family Member
a. Be Understanding
You don’t have to win every argument. Listen, empathise and be the shoulder your partner can lean on.
b. Learn how to read the signs
Find out when the ‘high-stress periods’ of your partner happen (month-end closing, when the Big Boss flies into town) and be extra supportive.
You might even want to recognise certain ‘stress-indicators’ like ‘teeth-grinding’ or ‘general moodiness’ and just simply be there for them.
2.If You are the Boss/Colleague
a. Be Understanding.
Realise that everyone is Human, that behind every employee is a person facing the same (if not bigger) challenges than you.
Was it really necessary to yell at them for missing their sales target? Do you really need to add to their woes?
b. Watch for Signs of Distress
Simon Sinek once said, “A Leader isn’t someone who takes charge. It’s someone who takes care of those under their charge.”
If you notice that your team-mate has been very distracted lately, or behaving in a way that is out of character, like crying in their cubicle or yelling on their phone, you might want to alert HR to activate some form of EAP (Employee Assistance Program).
I don’t usually advocate Managers going into ‘Counsellor-mode’ as these things are best left to the professionals, but a casual, “How are things coming along?” can go a long way to show that you care.
We need to be more mindful about balancing Life-Work Pressure as the stresses from both Home-life and Work-life can easily spill across this fully permeable interface with deleterious results on both sides. We have to develop our own strategies to manage this and if we observe a colleague or partner facing such challenges, we should step up and make sure they are alright.