You’d be surprised to know how often I hear this from executives who approach us for advice.
“I used to be very successful at what I did, but now, I’m not doing as well as before. Is it me? Am I losing it?” or “My new boss is telling me I’m not good enough.”
You may be even more surprised to learn that I actually went through a similar phase before, and it was confidence-shaking.
From the constant berating by the bosses, to the intense micromanaging, to the never-ending questions about why you’re not doing this-or-that, you can actually feel your sense of self-worth diminishing by the day.
Ultimately, the big question you need to answer honestly is this: “Is it Me? Or is it Them?”
Situations like these happen quite frequently, especially when joining a new company / team or when a new boss gets parachuted in.
Sometimes, it’s a matter of mismatched expectations, poor communications or even bad chemistry, but if left to drag on, it could damage your career in the company. But what can you do?
Let me share some practical ideas with you which we advise our private clients.
1. Is it You or is it Them?
Sally (not her real name), 43, had just joined a company for 3 months as their Sales Manager and prior to that, enjoyed a successful career at their competitor.
One day, her boss ushered her into his office and told her she was not performing at the level he was expecting.
“He said my work was slipshod, my Sales Forecasts were incorrect, and that I was not filing my reports on time… which was very strange because I thought I was brought on to drive Revenue, not create PowerPoint decks.”
“He kept picking on my work, belittling my efforts, and worst of all, he refused to let me pass my 3-month probation period.”
“I tried hard to be more accurate and timely in my reports, but still, there was no pleasing this boss – I slipped into a depression and my sales numbers fell and I resigned. I lost all my confidence in myself.”
“Only later, did I find out that this boss had originally wanted his ex-staff for my role, but the CEO vetoed him and forced me unto his team, hence he was trying to get me out. True enough, after I resigned, he told everyone that I was a ‘bad hire’ and his ‘golden boy’ got my job shortly thereafter.”
“I learnt that it wasn’t me – it was them. Even though it took me months to get my confidence back, I finally landed another role which I am thriving in right now.”
Sometimes, even though it might feel that you’re not measuring up to the new boss, it may not be your fault… especially if you’ve had a string of successful roles in your career prior to this. It could be just that it’s a different style, different expectations, or perhaps the possibility that this new place or situation just isn’t the right one for you after all.
2. If the environment has turned Toxic, Leave.
A relationship expert once told me, “The worst thing to do in a toxic relationship is to hang on to the other party, hoping they (or things) will change, because they often don’t.”
In Sally’s situation, the longer she stayed on, the more she would have ‘devolved’ (as in ‘evolve, but backwards’) into self-uncertainty.
Once you’ve determined that it’s not your fault, please give yourself permission to leave.
And you don’t have to do it right away either, unless you really want/have to.
A firm decision to leave can sometimes be liberating enough for you to decide not to invest any more emotional energy into this bottomless pit of negativity.
Start looking for possible exit strategies like getting a transfer to another department, or embark on a job-search strategy for better roles outside your company.
You are not a helpless victim without choices! Choose ‘YOURSELF’ first and take the first step towards a better tomorrow.
I’ve always said that your Career is an Infinite Game. You could be dealt a bad hand for this round and lose the game, but there will always be another round to play… and another after that. What is most important is to NEVER GIVE UP, and keep pressing on until you find a happy solution to your problem.