I read this article “Couples hold back from starting families due to job security, costs” by Shermaine Ang from the Straits Times recently and my heart went heavy for various reasons.
The story interviewed couples who had put their plans for starting families on hold because of inflation, increasing competition and concerns about job security.
Amidst the already declining fertility rate and the negative effects the pandemic had on the number of marriages and childbirths in Singapore, delays like these will only hurt the economy in the coming years as we continue our downward spiral towards making fewer babies.
As experienced Career Strategists, one of the most common questions we get from women (and only women!) is “Should I put off starting a family whilst I pursue my career first?”
How would you advise a staff you’re critically reliant on if she asked you this question?
And would the response be any different if it were your daughter asking you this same question?
Let me try to tackle this difficult question by first issuing a caveat that there is no ‘right or wrong’ answer here. Whatever your opinion is, you are entitled to it.
To try to answer this, here are some questions we need to think about.
1. Do Companies Really Discriminate?
When I was headhunting, I had a candidate who signed the offer letter and called me two weeks later to inform me that she was pregnant. “Will they rescind the offer?”
I assured her that they were a multinational company with progressive ideas and would be fine with her situation.
Guess what? They rescinded the offer.
The harsh reality is that once you push past the rainbow clouds and happy flute music, there will be companies who discriminate, so starting a family would handicap one’s career prospects over there.
But there are also companies who are fair and practice great family-friendly policies.
In this situation, the big decision you have to make, will not be about whether you should start a family, but rather, what type of company do you want to work for?
If your environment frowns on what you value, then perhaps, you should take your business/ employment elsewhere.
There will always be a happy home for you if you search hard enough.
2. What Is Important To You?
As I said earlier, there are no right or wrong answers in this discussion – your decision is exclusively yours.
I once met a 52 year old childless CEO who told me “I never wanted any kids – children are parasites.”
And I spoke to another VP who had 6 children with another along the way.
His biggest lament about his situation was that he needed a convoy of 3 vehicles to bring his tribe (including in-laws and 2 helpers) out to dinner and ‘parking was often a problem’.
As they say, “Different strokes for different folks”, so have a think about what is more important to you today, and into the future – should your career or family life take precedence? What would the 60 yr old you say to yourself today? What does your partner have to say about this?
Take your time and come to your own conclusion – something that you’re comfortable with and will make you happy.
3. Can Your Career Wait?
I know of some women who have put off their maternal instincts way into their early 40s after they’ve achieved the level of career success they wanted, and are very happy with their decision.
One such individual was a HR VP who slogged and climbed the corporate ladder, got married at 43, had a baby at 45, then retired from the working world to spend time with her precious son.
“I sometimes feel like I’m Benjamin Button, living my life in reverse – Career first, then retiring in my mid 40s to focus on my family.” she shared with me in private. “It’s an unconventional path, but today, I’m very happy.”
If you are torn between deciding on starting a family vs pursuing your career and you have to choose, ask yourself – Can my career take a backseat for a while? What are the costs involved (if any), and am I willing to take it?
There are success stories from both sides of the aisle and and your own personal story is unique and yet unwritten. Be bold and decide together with you Life Partner which pathway you want to choose.
We all have our own journeys – and no matter what, the best is yet to be!